Some horrible facts of me

Month is going okay so far.. Hopefully it goes that way till the end.

I've said before that I'll be as open and transparent as I can be, so I'll do just that.

I've always wondered and tried to imagine how it'll feel like to have sex honestly.

And by that, I mean being penetrated. I've only had sex with another girl before and I doubt its the same feeling with dildos or vibrators.

It's been in my head for a very very long time now..

I'll also be sharing something about me.

If you've been in my circle or know of me personally before, you'd probably heard or know of this. I just want to accept and address it. I've done something reckless in the past.

When I was at my lowest, with everything being against me. I still needed to find cash to sustain just living. I accepted requests from both online and offline for quick cash.

The online requests was somewhat disturbing but I was convinced and was desperate enough anyways. Overall a bad experience, but I was able to move on from it eventually.

But of course, there were offline requests too. And there were huge risks to even consider. But the monetary rewards was huge. I won't get into details.. But I've mostly did vices such as hand jobs and allowing them to grope me for a set duration.

And I'll be honest. It's a mixed feeling. On one hand, it feels horrible that I'm "selling" myself away and just satisfying their lust for money. On the other hand. I actually somewhat enjoy being touched and being lusted for..

Though, I'd always think back about it and break down that I did such a thing. It's really degrading. But it's the one thing that I could think of at that time that could help me.

I'll clarify this though, the only vices I've agreed to are hand jobs and allowing them to grope me. Nothing else. So the other rumors are all lies and untrue.

It's not easy to let this all out. I can't stress how horrible I feel. But I have to accept it. So think of me whatever and however you want.

And no, I won't ever consider that an option anymore. It's all in the past now.

Sorry to just blurt this all out. But I had to get it out of me.

I hope you all continue to read my blog posts. I appreciate each and every one of you all.