August

Will be a short post. I honestly think I'm quite the complicated person. Unsure whether I'm feeling happy at times or just trying to make myself feel that way to cope. And when I'm down, why do I force myself to be "better" or try to be more "positive" When I try to just be myself and just accept things for what they are, I feel utterly hopeless. Feels like whatever I do, it's just wrong somehow. Told myself I probably need a break and ill get myself together, but I have no idea what to do even If i got one. Staying cooped up in my room will only worsen my mind. If I want to go out, my options are limited. Can't afford to spend much of anything. Always worrying about whether I can last the month. Thinking of ways to get around problems. Thinking of how to actually have food on the table. I'm really trying to be "better" somewhat. But I guess I don't even understand what being "better" means.